First, (because I am a writer and words seem like a logical place to start) let's see what Google says.
noun: femininity, plural noun: femininities
1. the quality of being female, womanliness
"she celebrates her femininity by wearing makeup and high heels"
synonyms: womanliness, feminineness, womanly qualities, feminine qualities
"she was a woman truly comfortable in her femininity"
The American Heritage Dictionary says: 1. The quality or condition of being feminine, womanliness. 2. A female characteristic or trait. 3. Womankind. 4. Womanishness; effeminacy
I would contend that 95% of "femininity" is apparent in the way women act, their frame of mind, their grace and thoughtfulness in social situations, their willingness to serve (even if it causes them to appear less feminine), and the words they choose to speak.
I genuinely fear that spending too much time on ones appearance can hinder your ability to be an effective witness. I know someone who always dresses nicely when he goes places – slacks and a button up shirt. He's nice to everyone and is very personable. However, it wasn't until one day when he accidentally spilled bbq sauce on his white shirt that someone (who had been watching him for a while) dared to approach and talk to him. This flaw in his normally perfect appearance gave him a human quality that had been lacking before; a little bbq on his shirt made him more approachable than his nice clothes or his combed hair. We, as Christians, should be careful that we aren't working so hard on improving our outward appearance that we cause others to feel like we are purposefully elevating ourselves above them. In our endeavor to appear put-together, we should constantly be aware of the fact that at some point we cross over the line of appearing human to others and effectively push them away... snuffing out any chance we may have had at showing them the love of Christ.