Confessions of an ENFP

My long-time friend is here to tell you about her personality type! Don't forget, if you want to be part of the 16 Personality post series, take the test (http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test) and email your results to christiellaryder[at]gmail[dot]com. If the slot for your personality type is still open, you will get a chance to help people understand YOU! 


It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for – and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool – for love – for your dreams – for the adventure of being alive.
---Oriah Mountain Dreamer


ENFP, that’s me! The quote above describes me somewhat accurately… although I have so say, my upbringing affects it to the point that I do actually care more about the mundane things in life (like job, daily life, etc) than it portrays. Just putting that out there. ;-)

 So what is it like for an ENFP? Well, let’s just take a paragraph from the personality test itself…

“The ENFP personality is a true free spirit. They are often the life of the party, but unlike Explorers, they are less interested in the sheer excitement and pleasure of the moment than they are in enjoying the social and emotional connections they make with others. Charming, independent, energetic and compassionate, the 7% of the population that they comprise can certainly be felt in any crowd.”

7%? Not too bad… kind of neat, actually, to think we’re that unique. ;) 

This here is going to explain a bit about me… but I honestly don’t know how to write up this post… but hey, I’ll give it my best shot. It won’t look professional but hopefully it makes sense. So, a breakdown of some of the misconceptions about us ENFPs:

(First, even if we share a personality, we’re all very different. We’re rather affected by our past in the sense that we obviously don’t follow these personality ‘explanations’ to a T. Of course, this is the case for everyone. However, it seems like our personality gets hit more with the expectation of being extremely similar.) 

1.)I am actually rather sensitive to personal jokes. There are only a select few people in my circle of friends who can joke about me in any way they like. The rest, however, may do so, but it tends to be hurtful instead of funny. I don’t know why and it really doesn’t make sense to me, but there it is. I suppose it’s because I need to *really* know that what you’re joking about isn’t what you actually think.

2.)I’m not an entertainer. Yes, my friends may be disagreeing with me at this point, but let me explain. At a party it is true that I’m usually the one making jokes or telling funny stories and making everyone laugh. However, believe it or not, it’s not because I like the attention. Truly. I’m not a huge ‘I must have attention’ kind of person. In fact, I’m usually very content to NOT be the center of attention. However, I am extremely sensitive to the people around me. I love to be happy and therefore I want everyone else to be happy. So if it makes you happy when I tell a joke or funny story, I’ll pull everything I’ve got just to put that smile on your face, even if it means a personal joke that goes against fact #1.

3.)I’m more sensitive/observant than I seem. I may look and act goofy, but again, refer to #2. This isn’t because I am. I’m actually very aware of things going on around me- so long as they pertain to a personal level (if you want me to be aware that someone is coming up behind me with a glass of water and I should keep my hands to myself… well, that’s a different problem). A friend is having a conversation and seems to be getting frustrated; I’ll pick up on that. Someone seems to be hurting; I’ll pick up on that, too. However, I don’t always tell you that I’ve done so. Why? Mainly because I’m not one to bring up big topics in a crowd. Again, #2. Not everyone wants to talk about politics, theology, the world’s problems, etc. Also, I don’t know what it is exactly that you’re dealing with… so I try to steer clear until I know how to actually approach it- I don’t want to make it worse than it is! As the test result said ‘ENFPs are very sensitive and emotional- so if they step on someone’s toes, they both feel it.’

4.)I’m actually very intelligent. Again, don’t know why I do this… however, my personality likes to ‘live up to the expectation’. The typical expectation of me is that I’m the entertainer. I’m supposed to be goofy. I’m supposed to be making people laugh. If acting slightly stupid for comic relief is needed, I’m your girl. However, it can be rather frustrating on my end because few people know I can actually be serious. I love talking ‘deep stuff’. You want to talk about theology? Oh yes, bring it on. Politics? The latest debates on big subjects? I’m totally in. However, I tend to do these more in personal settings, one on one. Again, referring to #2… if it’s a big group, I’ll just stay silent because I’m afraid of saying something that not everyone will agree with. 

5.)I don’t like hurting feelings. To refer to #3, this may sound slightly odd… I mean, no one likes actually hurting people. However, I tend to over think offenses. Literally. I will stay awake regretting things and feeling really horribly over hurt I’ve caused others. I can even cry over it. Now, this is sometimes nice because it means I’m usually rather careful about causing offense in the first place. However, it can also be bad because I end up getting ‘walked on’ a lot because I won’t tell others to ‘ease off’. If someone makes a joke that really cuts deep, I’d rather laugh over it and mask the hurt than tell them it was mean and then risk *them* getting hurt feelings over it. I know. It doesn’t make sense to me either. 

6.)Words of affirmation go a really long way. I may seem like an extremely confident person, but deep down I can sometimes be trembling and knocking my knees together. There are many days when I feel rather independent and just fine on my own… but usually I need a little affirmation, even if it’s just a happy hello or a compliment. Usually, however, the ones that go the longest are the heartfelt ones of ‘I appreciate you’ or ‘I love you’.

So those are just a few things explaining some misconceptions about us ENFPs. So we may have some awesome qualities just like other personalities… we also have our downsides. We’re not perfect, after all. I can tend to over think things WAY too much… Why did that person say that in *that* way? What does it mean? I’m typically trying to read between the lines. This can be frustrating for both me and the person involved… Because I’ll come to a certain conclusion only to find out it’s completely opposite of what I thought. However, I’m slowly learning to curb that a bit. But only a little bit. ;-)

I can also lose interest really quickly in the ‘mundane’ things in life if I’m not able to express some creativity in whatever it is I’m doing. Be it sharing ideas on how to improve something or even just wanting to do things a bit differently to ‘shake it up’ a little.

I also can’t bear the thought of disappointing someone… which can be good and bad. It helps with getting tasks done and such but it can be bad because this actually seems to make my personality seem a bit hypocritical. I want to be free and try new things… but I also don’t because I don’t want to disappoint. Again, it’s weird… but then again, my whole personality is a bit weird, isn’t it?

“Can't I fly helicopters AND be an oceanographer who writes songs and cooks?” 
This one made me laugh. It’s extremely true. You’ll find that we ENFPs don’t like dabbling in just one thing… we like having a LOT of things to do. Which also means we tend to do better with several jobs as opposed to one career. (Nanny, rancher, violinist, seamstress, gardener, etc… I think I’ve got my bases covered.)

 A few fun facts:

-We’re easily entertained

-We don’t actually wear our hearts on our sleeves… we only seem to do so, even to those closest to us.

-We take great delight in the simplest of things- a flower, a particularly blue sky, etc.

-We love it when friends are successful, even if we’re in a ‘low spot’. We don’t let our personal ups and down affect the way we react to other’s happiness or sorrows.

-We’re very curious and love learning all sorts of things.

-We know how to relax and enjoy life.

-We can change moods in an instant- even surprising those closest to us.

-We can be easily distracted, but we can also really focus.

-We sometimes really like some of the mundane things- again contradicting our own personality, but sometimes we need to just ‘disconnect’ for a bit.

So in conclusion… well, yeah, conclusion.

Few personality types are as creative and charismatic as ENFPs. Known for their idealism and enthusiasm, ENFPs are good at dealing with unexpected challenges and brightening the lives of those around them. ENFPs' imagination is invaluable in many areas, including their own personal growth.
Yet ENFPs can be easily tripped up in areas where idealism and kindness are more of a liability than an asset. Whether it is finding (or keeping) a partner, staying calm under pressure, reaching dazzling heights on the career ladder or making difficult decisions, ENFPs need to put in a conscious effort to develop their weaker traits and additional skills.

If you’re so inclined, you can read more about ENFPs on this link: http://www.16personalities.com/enfp-personality

If you know an ENFP, it might be helpful to read up on it… we’re an odd lot and we long to be understood… but it’s also hard to just explain it.

I’m off to go dream up a few more ideas because, well, you can never have too many of those, right?















Sarah Heckendorn is a web designer, nanny, musician, and writer. She has many hobbies and enjoys being with people she loves. She lives on a cattle ranch with her family in New Mexico.

Confessions of an ISFP

The amazing author Jessica Greyson is here to tell you about her personality type! Don't forget, if you want to be part of the 16 Personality post series, take the test (http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test) and email your results to christiellaryder[at]gmail[dot]com. If the slot for your personality type is still open, you will get a chance to help people understand YOU! 

We like to think, that we are special out of the box little people that roam the world, we are the artist and adventurer who as much as we like being thought of as single individuals are the second largest group of introverts that exist...which we don’t find that terribly exciting because, well, naturally we’d rather be a unique rare individual.

I know for myself, the things that I cherish are harmony, creativity, beauty and little pockets of adventure.

When you first meet me I am like a jack in the box. I am there but you certainly don’t see me, you might hear slips and blips about who I might be, but nothing really shows, it’s because I am getting to know you and then BAM! Personality pops out, it might surprise you, and you might wish that I had stayed in the box, because now, you never know what may come out.

Forming opinions isn’t one of the things I do best, it takes a lot of introspection and thinking to come up with an idea I feel like sharing, I seem to float along the river enjoying the ride, but what is really happening is I am taking in several layers of information and analyzing it, filtering, weighing it against my values and the people around me, and it may be hours, days, or even weeks before I come out with an opinion, that I am usually pretty ready to stand by and defend, because it’s been sounded out, and makes sense...at least to me, though usually how I came to it is probably well, unethical. However giving an on the spot answer isn’t something I do well and you will usually get an answer that isn’t through and keeps me banging my head against the wall for hours wishing I had said something different.

People watching or reading is one thing I like to do, but it can be very difficult as well. Sometimes I can understand different personality languages, and when they misunderstand each other, it erupts harmony and causes all kinds of trouble, and then trouble builds up in us as well as we watching things escalate and there is nothing we can do!

Also things will frequently build up inside, dreams, desires, goals, plans, aspirations slowly create themselves and evolve under my little thinking cap and then burst out with at least an idea or a fully laid out plan of execution. We are dreamers but also doers. Because what is the point of DREAMING of something if you don’t plan on doing it? I am not a huge fan of sitting on my hands doing nothing unless a thought is growing, I love to watch it evolve and twist and grow and then when it’s ready, so am I to just go where it takes us.

Risks, are something I would have never taken as a child, but they are things I find more interesting as I grow older, the risk of being a published author...it seemed scary but to me the benefits of publishing my writing far outweighed the bad that could possibly happen. Sometimes it shows up in a game of Jenga where I’ll take the more risky blocks...just to see what happens. I know that 90 times out of 10 it will probably fall, but there is that chance that is driven by my curiosity, and it’s only a game of Jenga. And in my case my interest and love of Asia took over and I found it worth the risk to travel half way around the world to be an English teacher.

Things that tick us off:

No harmony.

All dream no do. I mean where is the adventure if you’re not willing to take a few risks and stick your neck out a limb? Needless to say it must be

Things that tickle us:

When you pick up a hint of something we are interested and dying to share and are just ready to burst our buttons off with all kinds of things that have been brewing for the past several months.

Peace and quiet...and a little daydreaming of course. 

Jessica Greyson is a middle child of three, published author of two and Daughter of the One and Only God. She loves her family, books, her characters, old fashioned weaponry, quiet and adventure. You can find her at www.jessicagreyson.com and her books on amazon.

Confessions of an ISFJ

A very special person in my life is going to tell us about her personality type. Don't forget, if you want to be part of the 16 Personality post series, take the test (http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test) and email your results to christiellaryder[at]gmail[dot]com. If the slot for your personality type is still open, you will get a chance to help people understand YOU! 

Hi there!! I am here to tell you about the mysterious mind of the ISFJ, Nurturers/Defenders!! I have been studying personality types for a few years now and I find it amazing that we can understand why people act the way they do because of the combinations of these four areas. I do want to mention that even though we fall into one of these personality types does not mean that we are the same. We are stamped with the handiwork of God and are each unique. We are here for a special purpose and even though we find out which personality we are, doesn’t change the fact that we are created with great worth and we make up the only one on this earth that is us. So without further ado, here is a small portrait of what makes me an ISFJ.

I think the biggest desire in my heart is to love everyone and to make them happy. I want to believe the best in every person that I meet. In group settings I strive to keep unity among all members and I am constantly looking out for the feelings of those around me. I almost have an alarm in my body that goes off when someone is upset, I can feel it inside and I work hard to calm the doubts or fears that the individual is expressing. This strength of mine is a huge weakness too. Pleasing people is not always a positive thing. I am not saying that helping people or telling them that you are thinking about them is bad. ISFJ’s however often will make decisions so that it will help out their friend. That still doesn’t sound so bad, but just imagine that you multiply that friend by 5 and all of a sudden you have a whole family of people to please. It can’t be done, and this can often make the ISFJ feel like they have failed.

My biggest strength is listening. I love to sit down and hear about people’s lives, their dreams, their fears. If you want to talk, I will listen. I will share your passion and understand why you feel the way you do. I can remember conversations for a long time, and your emotions or facial expressions or intonation will be cemented into my mind. ISFJ’s internalize everything and they store it away so that it will be usable in the future with encouraging someone. ISFJ’s value people and work to know them on a deeper level.

My inner world is a mystery. It is not often opened to you, and in the small chance that I let you in, I will only share what I am absolutely confident in. I love to talk about what is going on in your world, but before I tell you about my world I need to have processed. I need to have a plan of action to tell you what is going on, but I constantly take things in, and am thinking about them. I can also harbor negative feelings, and those do not come out as easily. This is a huge weakness because when I get overfull, I start spilling a confused flow of feelings. ISFJ’s need to learn to share what they are feeling and let the negative feelings free. Those can be harmful to the mind of the ISFJ as they will continue to think about the negative feelings and feel sorry for themselves. Learning to talk through the feelings that they have with people would greatly impact the ISFJ’s ability to serve.

I do not like to say no. I want to help everyone! If I hear that you need something, or you ask me to do something, I want to please you and to make life as easy as possible, so I am going to say yes! This becomes a weakness all too soon. My calendar and life becomes stressed and strained. I have to constantly tell myself that I can help out but I need to make sure that I have enough time to get my things done as well.

I easily become stressed or discouraged if I think that my work is not noticed. As you can probably tell, there is a lot that I do, and I like to work backstage, but I need to hear encouragement. I live my life for other people but it can often become tedious and hard to please everyone. ISFJ’s are prone to say “I can’t do anything right.” This thought pops into my head very frequently and I try and remember that I am made just the way I am supposed to be. When I am told “thank you” or “you did a wonderful job with that”. Just that sentence can boost my stamina and confidence. Positive encouragement is crucial to my life or I can easily feel left out.

ISFJ’s hide from conflict. They are the nurturers and they like to avoid a disruption to the flow of life. If they are the cause of the trouble, the will take criticism personally and internalize it. I often need to remind myself that conflict is what makes relationships stronger as we work through differences. It is still a struggle but I am getting better at coming into conflict with an open mind and talking about what I am feeling.

In a nutshell, ISFJ’s are dependable, they will love you with everything they have and they are generous and will selflessly serve you. They are altruistic and it doesn’t bother them at all. They have a strong desire to keep things running smoothly and they often need to remember that they need some of the love that they share with everyone else.

If you would like to understand more about ISFJ’s you can read about them here:

http://www.personalitypage.com/html/ISFJ_rel.html

or here

http://www.16personalities.com/isfj-personality

 Rachelle lives in New Mexico with her family. She teaches piano and directs a preschool choir. Right now she is planning her wedding and can’t wait to marry the love that God brought into her life. While she is not busy teaching piano or calling vendors she enjoys photography and cooking.

Confessions of an ISTJ

Today, my great friend Petra is going to tell us about her personality. Don't forget, if you want to be part of the 16 Personality post series, take the test (http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test) and email your results to christiellaryder[at]gmail[dot]com. If the slot for your personality type is still open, you will get a chance to help people understand YOU!

                                                                                   
ISTJs... coined by 16personalities.com as “The Logistician[s]” make up a large percentage of the population, compared to the other personality types. It was interesting when I took the quiz, to find out my results, and it was really cool just how on target most of their profile was. They really know us well! I'll recap what I learned and share some of my own thoughts here.

 

Breakdown: (from my profile here: http://www.16personalities.com/profiles/559aa4e6ce7a5)

Introverted rather than Extroverted...refers solitary activities, is more comfortable with nonverbal communication and prefers to consider what they will say before speaking, often grows tired from social interaction.

Observant rather than Intuitive...down to earth, aware of practicality, and mindful of the past as it relates to the future.

Thinking rather than Feeling...tough cookies, opinionated, objective and rational.

Judging rather than Prospecting...decisive, preferring clear rules and guidelines, seeking structure and closure.


To an ISTJ, the importance of logic, fact, integrity, stability, and autonomy is high. I would say we quickly recognize the lack of logic in conversations, ideas, and opinions. This observation, coupled with our inherent drive to find a solution, moves us to quickly find the error in the logic. Everything needs to be practical. It needs to make sense. There must be a solid reason for something, or we race to find it. If that reason can't be found, we will likely abandon the idea.

Honesty, truth, fact...these are favorites of ours. We fear things that appear different than they really are, because we need to see things at face value so we can find the correct course of action. Dishonesty is incredibly crippling, and we hate the idea of being betrayed or lied to. If information is false, that threatens the success of our plan and basically throws practicality and efficiency out the proverbial window. We need to be able to trust people, and thrive when we are trusted. It cuts deeply to find another person untrustworthy, and cuts even deeper when we find that true of ourselves. For the most part, we will stick to the truth, often bluntly, even when it may cost something to us or another person. In our haste to uphold fact, we may come across as unfeeling or cold. It takes effort for us to find tactful ways to present the truth, especially when we expect others to accept it as unquestioningly as we do.

Personal integrity is a core aspect of our personality. Tending to be opinionated, we stick stubbornly to those things we have found to be logical and true. What we believe to be right becomes the yardstick by which we measure our decisions. “Crossing a line” just isn't an option...we rigorously resist attempts to change our mind and grow angry when others threaten or question our choices. Standards and rules are vital to how we live and work. Without a clear standard, things are confusing and impossible to analyze. As a result, we cannot correctly move forward in a logical and practical sense. This threatens our stability, leaving us feeling “up in the air”, insecure, and stressed out.

This stability and consistency is something that makes life bearable for an ISTJ. Without it, we can feel like we're hanging in midair, no firm footing and no clear plan for action ahead of us. We struggle when we can't see likely outcomes, thus preventing our preparation and completion. Change is an unknown factor. It makes us cringe. We like change in a controlled environment, when we can manipulate it to achieve our intended result. We appreciate the beauty and necessity of change, and enjoy watching the logical process as A turns into B, which becomes C. To achieve C, A must change. But if we can't control the process, and there's a chance A could actually become F or H, we might freak out a little bit.

The above four aspects of our personality all relate to the final point, autonomy. In a lot of cases, an ISTJ will probably prefer to avoid a team, and just get it done. We recognize logic, and sometimes it just takes way to long to explain it, which threatens efficiency and practicality. It scares us that by working with others, we have to rely on them and this idea of dependence on other people is in many cases a “no no.” If there is risk of betraying our convictions, duties, and integrity, we will opt for self sufficiency. There can be a lot of unknowns when involving a group of people, and our need for stability gets in the way of teamwork sometimes. However, our ability to construct a logical train of thought, and our comfort with autonomy can be a hugely successful asset. We are able to get things done, and our dedication to integrity will ensure it gets done right. We search for the facts, so that we have all the details necessary for the job, and then we do it...or, we find someone who can. We can be very effective leaders and members of teams and groups, but most often would choose to keep it close to home.

I think if I had to sum up the ISTJ in four words, it might be something like, “Does it make sense?” ;)

 

Petra is 22 years old and lives in Golden, CO.  She is currently studying math and works at a local school as a paraprofessional.  She enjoys swimming, listening to music, spending time with friends, learning about God, and hopes to learn to play the cello in the near future.  When she isn't doing these things, she works on perfecting her Chrome Dinosaur Game expertise.  :)   

Confessions of an INFJ

 Hello, all!  Today's guest post is by Elizabeth Kaiser, here to teach us about her personality type!  Don't forget, if you want to be part of the 16 Personality post series, take the test (http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test) and email your results to christiellaryder[at]gmail[dot]com.  If the slot for your personality type is still open, you will get a chance to help people understand YOU!  

~  ~  ~  ~

 First of all you should know that some have called into question the veracity of the MBTI testing system, and proposed the whole thing be thrown out. 

 If you're an INFJ, though, that suggestion is just plain silly.

 Because: so what if the test is not fool-proof, iron-clad, test-to-end-all-tests categorically classifying every known or possible personality tendency?

 INFJ's are okay with ambiguity!

 And if it helps someone to understand themselves better, even a little bit, then off course it's worth it.

 Because INFJ's are really about trying for perfection, while simultaneously realizing perfection is impossible.

 This breaks our hearts a little bit at all times, and so leaves us just about two steps away from sad perpetually.

 But that's also okay, since great wisdom can come from great sorrow. (If you use it right.)

 And that's about this personality type in a nutshell; we're okay with ambiguity. The entire life experience is a mixed bag of happy/sad, because we consistently see the reverse of every coin we're looking at... which can help us weather down times and hopeless situations because we can see hope in the middle of the fog, as well.

 So we're rarely uber-happy, and this makes it kind of fun to be around those personality types that are just mindlessly ecstatic about stuff. It's a refreshing break from our own swirling thoughts and multi-angle view points... sometimes having someone else show us what it's like to take life merely on face value, at this moment... it's fun.

 But not for too long, because the shallowness will depress us and then we have to have space to regain our even keel.

Down sides of being an INFJ:

We worry.    ...A lot.

We remember everything.... including all of our mistakes. In fact, our own mistakes bother us more than others', and this is just depressing.

We try to figure out how to make everyone happy.... which is impossible, so ends up depressing.

We try to out-think the world for everyone's best interests.... and then other people, and the world, don't cooperate.

We don't accept our own faults... and therefore have a hard time believing anyone else could, either. So it can be difficult for us to feel loved... and like most of the "I" types, we yearn to belong.

 We feel like strangers, outcasts, and aliens, and we know this is because we're so different from Most People. 

Up-sides of being an INFJ:

 Yep, we really do read minds, and can "catch" what you're feeling even before you realize you're feeling that. It's basically acute observation, with an intense ability to predict coupled with a deep ability to care. (This makes us vulnerable, because other's bad attitudes invade our brain space and we can't fully shut them out. Even with practice, the "green smoke" sneaks in and wisps around our feet, and we have to work really hard to pretend it's not happening. But it is.)

 We want to help, but don't want to be intrusive. We'll got to great lengths to thoughtfully map out the very best plan of attack for you to use... and if you throw it away, and laugh at our reasoning, than pretty soon we will distance ourselves from you. Because you've rendered yourself as a threat to our equilibrium; we can't be around you while you sabotage yourself, it hurts us inside. 

Therefore we can become angry and drive the self-saboteur away, because our energy is dangerously sapped by their hurtful presence. 

 We're really good at predicting outcomes, not because we've got some sixth sense, but because we can see cause-and-affect really well, and we've been studying the world from the time we could talk... the way some people obsess over chess or football, or any other kind of sport. In fact, we don't care for "silly games" (i.e. all games) because Life is the game we're constantly challenged with. 

 And we do memorize the plays... so yes. We're pretty good at that.

 We can be really good at figuring out what's really important to us in life, and so we can trim away everything that isn't. Since we're not herd-followers, this can make us appear eclectic, or even eccentric, but it's just us being honest.

 There is great freedom in being honest.

 Because we delve so deeply, we can get a huge amount of enjoyment out of simple things. Like a particular day, or that one great friendship. We don't have to fly to Paris (actually, that sounds really awkward... do you even speak French? How could you thoughtlessly fly somewhere you'd be incapable of communicating with?) or have a thousand rose petals showered over us. (Again; who's going to clean those up? Are they going to be left to rot right there?) But we can completely savor a companionable afternoon stroll and a carton of Breyer's, one slow spoon at a time.

 We make less mistakes than Most People. This is a serious upside, for while we obsess over the mistakes we do make, (yes, like we actually expect we Should Have Been Able to live a perfect life... and are disappointed in ourselves when we fail to measure up to that) we in actuality make far fewer stupid missteps than most, because we watch and learn from others. 

This can mean that we find ourselves mid-way through life with very few regrets, and this is a beautiful thing for an INFJ. (So take heart, all you Introverted Feelers... you may be ridiculed when young for your attempt at caution & wisdom, but it definitely pays off later on!!!)

Bullet list of Interesting Things about INFJs:

1.  We are loyal. To people, to causes, to groups... It takes a lot of abuse to make us walk away, but once we're gone, we're never coming back. Don't say "I'm sorry, forgive me and come back." It's nice you're sorry (though we can tell you aren't really,) we already forgave you/are working on it, because it's intruding on our personal peace, and nope; NEVER standing there again. EVER. Deal with it. You've lost, because you've lost us... completely. We now have worthier things to be loyal to.
2. We are not anti-authority. We simply recognize not all authority is competent, and so rule out any form that's just blustering and going nowhere. We're a bare-bones type of mystical-seer-person, and yep... being a boss is not the same as a leader. And don't even try to convince us "it's for our own good". We've long ago deduced exactly what you're getting out of it, and how & why that's coming from us. And no, we're not falling for that.
3. If we can use our ability to see around a problem to re-frame the things we dislike about ourselves, to view them as strengths in disguise, or messages of what we need to change... then we can reach a balanced perspective of our self. This is our greatest super-power, and the one thing we INFJs should definitely do. Because our ability to help people is hindered if we're crippling our own selves with our internal criticism.
4. We are great researchers. With our attention to detail only if/when it actually matters we can look it up on the internet then walk away and perform brain surgery and it'll likely be successful. We won't be able to explain it to anyone else, making other more concrete types scoff at our "research", but we'll be able to make it come together well and probably save the life if it needs saving. We may never use the information again, and if ever needed to do the same thing twice we may need to pop back on the internet and brush up... since we don't carry abstract, "unimportant" details well. We're all about the personal connection, so any tidbit that helps us toward the goal will be dumped as soon as the goal is achieved. It's the goal that counts... and our thought processes are the same way. That's why we can often leap to correct deductions with the speed of light, but can't explain how we got there. The info we sensed and sourced is jettisoned as soon as the obvious path becomes clear.
5. We are confusing to everyone... and that can even include ourselves. This is why it's very important for an INFJ to try to understand itself as well as we try to understand others... and if we meet someone who cares enough to try to understand us to, this is very endearing. But no one should take this lightly, since "fake empathy" turns us off worse than anything else.
6. We love to live in a joyful moment, and love people who help us do this, especially if they're nurturing, gentle sort. We take criticism very seriously, so if it's broached softly it will actually be the most effective. Harsh negatives can crush us to the point where we're no longer able to act on the critique, we're too busy trying to stop the gushing blood. Carelessly critical people are deadly to an INFJ... and being told they "are too sensitive" is no cure. (It's actually really callous and uncalled for... and has totally to opposite effect on us... and yes, we'll always hear your words ringing in our ears whenever we look at you. Or hear your name... or, pretty much anything.)

 Being an INFJ is great. But it can be lonely, as the second rarest type, and we help people misclassify us all the time, because we're highly able to chameleon into a facade of just about any other type. We can be completely opposite to us for a short while if called for, and because we're always paying attention to what goes on inside, we can easily nurture just about any attribute from any of the types. This is exhausting work, but if the good of all requires it, we'll basically kill ourselves doing it.

 In short, if you're lucky enough to have a relationship with an INFJ, cherish it!!! Feel free to take their advice, 'cause they're really good at it. They may be cautious to give it, so you have to earn their trust before they'll be truthful with you, 'cause some times the truth hurts and they'd never want to do that unless someone really, really sincerely asked for it.

   If by some chance the advice they gave doesn't work right, they will probably feel even worse about it than you do. So don't beat them up about it (they'll be beating themselves up about it!). Work together to create a patch-up plan, and let them know you don't blame them. Help keep them focused on the big picture, and make sure they see it. 

  

 Here's a quote to leave you with...

"INFJs; don't write an email, they write an essay." This is kind of true... ;-) But there's usually so much to be said on a subject before it's fully communicated, with no possibility of being taken wrong! :-)

~  ~  ~  ~  

Want to be part of the 16 Personality post series?  Take the test (http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test) and email your results to christiellaryder[at]gmail[dot]com.  If the slot for your personality type is still open, you will get a chance to help people understand YOU!  

E. Kaiser Writes

Author, Artist, Illustrator

  E. Kaiser Writes began publishing professionally in 2011, and has been read internationally. Reviews and interviews from all over reflect a growing recognition for her immersive worlds, high-definition three dimensional characters, and uniquely flavored plot lines.

  She credits her nearly nomadic childhood for the vast reach of her fictional worlds; she has lived (and gotten to know the locals) in the Rocky Mtns, the Smoky Mtns, the plains, the deep forest, the searing Texas summer and frozen Minnesota north.

Her first novel, Jeweler's Apprentice, (2011) was a light-fantasy adventure for teens, where a shy, bookish heroine is thrust out on the first step toward the adventure that awaits, and the difficult thing that is called ‘growing up’.

  Traitor's Knife, 2^nd in the series, (2013) ups the stakes as the apprentice Fia Brithin grows bolder, and so do the agents of the enemy. When sabotage stalks her new home, it is hard to tell if assassins are right behind, and her life may be forfeit for the friendship she treasures.

  King’s Ward, 3^rd in the series, (TBA) sees Fia becoming more entangled in the war across the mountains, because the war is no longer staying across the mountains. Once again she must pull herself away from her comfort zone and tackle new challenges, and this time a life she holds very dear hangs by a thread she must carefully spin under the noses of dangerous eyes.

(More in this series to come.)

In her second series, the THAW: quartet starts off a new collection of Fairytale retellings which will span over fifty years in the tumultuous realm of three worlds, entwining several family lines. The adventure sprouted with a combination of The Snow Child, Snegurken, & The Snow Queen. The series debuted Jan. 2015; with origins novella Winter's Child swiftly joined by Winter Queen and then Prince of Demargen. The Thaw Quartet will be wrapped up when Reindeer King releases, but the series continues with Council of Swans, Princess of Noran, Beaded Slipper, Twelve Dark Knights, and The Book of Keld (to name a few) will forge further into many more fairytales, both old and new.

  She also hosts and edits the Space Kitties Anthologies, (submission period open July-August!) Please do join us!

Confessions of an INTJ

I (Introvert)
N (Intuitive)
T (Thinker)
J (Judger)

"The Architect"

"It's lonely at the top, and being one of the rarest and most strategically capable personality types, INTJs know this all too well.  INTJs form just 2% of the population, and women of this personality type are especially rare, forming just 0.8% of the population - it is often a challenge for them to find like-minded individuals who are able to keep up their relentless intellectualism and chess-like maneuvering.  People with the INTJ personality type are imaginative yet decisive, ambitions yet private, amazingly curious, but they do not squander their energy." 

That's what the 16 Personalities website says, anyway.  There's a lot more to my personality, though!  Here are a few things you may not know about me...

* It's not an accident that I'm wearing mismatched socks.  I planned it.  Look again, they even match my outfit, don't they?

* If you are making that annoying clicking noise, you should probably know I am currently planning your demise. 

* I love talking to you, I just hate initiating conversations. 

* If you have something to tell me, just tell me!  Don't make me guess. 

* I have the attention span of a two year old.  If you don't grab my interest within the first minute of our conversation, I will "check out," simply nod, and agree with everything you say while my mind wanders to something more interesting.

* I thrive on conversations that make me smarter or cause me to think about things I've never thought about before.  Even if I don't agree with your conclusions, I view it as a successful conversation if you've caused me to think outside the box.

* When inspiration hits, I can work on a single project for hours on end, not even stopping to eat or sleep.  However, if inspiration is lacking, I struggle to focus for five minutes. 

* If you bring me a problem, expect a solution, not a shoulder to cry on. 

* Liars irk me not because they are lying but because they insult my intelligence when they expect me to believe their falsehoods.

* If you're going to lecture me, give me an outline of the topics you covered at the end, because I probably zoned out somewhere in the middle.  I want to hear your thoughts, but I know what you're going to say after the first ten words come out of your mouth.  The fact that it takes you fifteen minutes to say what I already know you're going to say bores me.

* Sarcasm is my way of insulting you in an appropriate fashion.  Essentially, I am running mental circles around your illogical frame of mind. 

* I will readily admit I'm wrong if you can prove to me that your way is better.  Otherwise, I will stick to my opinion, even if I am stacked against 100 people who disagree with me.

* I am fiercely loyal to those who prove themselves to me, and give you the benefit of the doubt until then.  But if you stab me in the back, I will disown you forever.

* Justice is more important to me than mercy. 

* I have a reason for EVERYTHING I do... the way I turn a doorknob, why I double knot my shoes, why I hold the hand-held mixer backwards instead of forwards.  If you don't understand, just ask!  I'm not weird, I just live outside the box in order to make my life worth living!

* Furthermore, if you are telling me I'm doing something wrong but can't back up your own actions with a well thought-out logical argument, you've just lost my respect. 

* I overthink social interactions.  Don't be surprised if I'm still thinking about our conversation a week later... it's just what I do. 

* I expect you to tell me what you want me to know.  I'm not a mind reader - if you're upset, then say so.  God gave you words, use them! 

* I learn anything and everything I can so that life doesn't catch me by surprise.  Not knowing is the scariest thing to me.

* Failing in front of people is not acceptable under any circumstances.  If I'm trying something for the first time and am not confident that it will be a success, I will not tell you what I'm doing.

* Team work only works when the team sees things my way. 

* If you've succeeded in telling a joke I haven't already guessed the answer to, you'll make me laugh every time I think of it.

Want to be a part of the 16 Personality post series?  Take the test (http://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test) and email your results to christiellaryder[at]gmail[dot]com!  If the slot for your personality type is still open, you will get a chance to help people understand YOU!
 

Christi Ella Ryder lives in the country with her dogs and her books.  She's a jack of all trades, picking up many new hobbies, learning everything she can, and storing the knowledge away for future dates.  Although she loves to travel, she spends a lot of her time at home, homeschooling her younger siblings, learning homemaking skills from her mother, and entertaining herself with reading, writing, sewing, photography, dancing, and watching movies.