But then I look around and I see a lot
of single girls in their early/late twenties who are still waiting
for their man to show up. "Houston, we have a problem..."
The problem is not the lack of older guys, or the lack of "mature"
guys, or the lack of financially stable guys, or the lack of tall
guys (*hint hint*), or even just the lack of guys in general. Let me
explain.
Many young Christian women are raised
from the beginning to belive that their ultimate purpose in life is
to serve a husband. While this is a righteous calling, it is not who
we are called to be as Christian women. Being a wife is not our end
goal. Or, rather, it shouldn't be.
Hold on, don't freak out. Let me
explain by asking you a question.
Who are
we called to be? As single Christian women, who are we called to be
biblically?
We are called to be noble in character, worthy of the confidence
others have in us, always doing good, productive with our time,
cooks, frugal with money, willing to do (and capable of doing) hard
work, generous to the poor, putting thought into and planning for the
future. Striving to bring honor to our families, strong and
dignified, optimistic, wise and willing to give faithful instruction
to others, not remiss or idle, cherished by children, and fearing the
LORD not putting stock in external beauty or vanity. (Pr. 31:10-31)
I
was raised to believe that it is important for a me to be these
things so that I can be a helper to my future husband... noble, so he
is not scorned. Productive, so he is not required to do housework.
Cook so he has something to eat... etc. However, I contend that
while these teachings are not unfounded biblically, women should not
strive to be these things solely for the purpose of preparing for
marriage. While the Proverbs 31 woman is
married,
she was these things before
she was married. For God is calling men to seek such women for their
wives.
Let
me say it again. She
had these qualities before marriage. Every
one of those things listed are characteristics which God outlines for
a righteous woman. These things are worthy of recognition. Girls,
not
so we can catch a husband. So we can further the Kingdom of God.
Let me explain further.
I
am currently reading a book that redefines our approach to romantic
relationships, and it brought up a very poignant question (which
spawned the conception of this paper). If we are seeking a spouse to
complete
us,
to be our "better half," to be the "yin to our yang," aren't we basically telling God that He is not enough for us? We are
still yearning for something more, that thing that is missing... this
emptiness we expect to be filled by a flawed and sinful man ("...for
all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God").
Let's
think about this for a minute. It's good to have a life dream, a
goal, something to set your sights on. I know for me, it's
motherhood. Nothing beats the feeling of a baby falling asleep in my
arms. Nothing makes me happier than that baby smiling at me, or
hearing that girgly little laugh... chasing down the fleet-footed one
year old who is headed for the stairs and hearing the first perfectly
read sentence ever to pass that child's lips. That is what I want.
That is what I believe God is calling me to do. Goals are good, but
goals talk about the what,
not the who.
Who do I want to be? I want to be a woman who is noble, righteous, strong,
frugal, kind, generous, cherished by children... I want to be God's
servant, the hand that reaches out to the poor, the orphans, the
needy. I want to be WHO I am, and WHO I strive to be every day,
whether I am married or not. Getting married will not complete me
anymore than buying a 2015 electric blue Corvette Stingray will make
me a better driver. I have to work hard to become who I desire to
be, who God calls me to be. Then, if at some point, a man enters the
picture, I hope to be who God calls him to search for in a wife.
My point in all this? I believe many of us were raised with a flawed
mindset. I am hundreds of different things – I am a homeschooler,
I am an artist, a singer, dancer, sister, daughter, friend, reader,
writer, cook, dishwasher, an archer, movie watcher, and a hopelessly
curious soul. I am made up of bad memories, reoccurring nightmares,
countless bad decisions, and the source of many peoples' pain. I am
all these things and so much more... because WHO we are cannot truly
be defined. Who we are can never be wrapped up neatly into a list
that can be handed to someone. And who we are definitely does not
hinge on future aspirations. Who we are is defined every day by the
decisions we make, the words we speak, the things we laugh at, and
the way we approach life.
Not
being married does not make you any less powerful in the hands of
God. Not having children does not make your years of child-rearing
training a waste. Because whether you're chasing a one-year-old that
you brought into this world, or the one year old of the exhausted
mother next door who just needed one hour to take a shower and do her
hair before her husband comes home, you are being who
you were made to be.
Don't squander this time of singleness. It's precious. Learn to
drive your 1990s Toyota pickup, so that when the keys of that electric
blue Corvette are handed to you, you're not afraid to drive it
because you're confident that you've done everything you can to
become the best driver possible.
