Why I'm Not Waiting for Mr. Right

If you were raised like me, you were raised to believe that women are created to be helpers... helpers to God, their husband, children, orphans, widows. Helpers. But ultimately helpers to their husbands. Husbands. We learn to cook, clean, raise children, housekeep, shop, do laundry, etc. etc. etc. with the expectation that one day will be able to fulfill these duties for our husbands.

But then I look around and I see a lot of single girls in their early/late twenties who are still waiting for their man to show up. "Houston, we have a problem..." The problem is not the lack of older guys, or the lack of "mature" guys, or the lack of financially stable guys, or the lack of tall guys (*hint hint*), or even just the lack of guys in general. Let me explain.

Many young Christian women are raised from the beginning to belive that their ultimate purpose in life is to serve a husband. While this is a righteous calling, it is not who we are called to be as Christian women. Being a wife is not our end goal. Or, rather, it shouldn't be.

 

Hold on, don't freak out. Let me explain by asking you a question.

Who are we called to be? As single Christian women, who are we called to be biblically?

We are called to be noble in character, worthy of the confidence others have in us, always doing good, productive with our time, cooks, frugal with money, willing to do (and capable of doing) hard work, generous to the poor, putting thought into and planning for the future. Striving to bring honor to our families, strong and dignified, optimistic, wise and willing to give faithful instruction to others, not remiss or idle, cherished by children, and fearing the LORD not putting stock in external beauty or vanity. (Pr. 31:10-31)

I was raised to believe that it is important for a me to be these things so that I can be a helper to my future husband... noble, so he is not scorned. Productive, so he is not required to do housework. Cook so he has something to eat... etc. However, I contend that while these teachings are not unfounded biblically, women should not strive to be these things solely for the purpose of preparing for marriage. While the Proverbs 31 woman is married, she was these things before she was married. For God is calling men to seek such women for their wives.

Let me say it again. She had these qualities before marriage. Every one of those things listed are characteristics which God outlines for a righteous woman. These things are worthy of recognition. Girls, not so we can catch a husband. So we can further the Kingdom of God.

Let me explain further.

I am currently reading a book that redefines our approach to romantic relationships, and it brought up a very poignant question (which spawned the conception of this paper). If we are seeking a spouse to complete us, to be our "better half," to be the "yin to our yang," aren't we basically telling God that He is not enough for us?  We are still yearning for something more, that thing that is missing... this emptiness we expect to be filled by a flawed and sinful man ("...for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God").

Let's think about this for a minute. It's good to have a life dream, a goal, something to set your sights on. I know for me, it's motherhood. Nothing beats the feeling of a baby falling asleep in my arms. Nothing makes me happier than that baby smiling at me, or hearing that girgly little laugh... chasing down the fleet-footed one year old who is headed for the stairs and hearing the first perfectly read sentence ever to pass that child's lips. That is what I want. That is what I believe God is calling me to do. Goals are good, but goals talk about the what, not the who.

Who do I want to be? I want to be a woman who is noble, righteous, strong, frugal, kind, generous, cherished by children... I want to be God's servant, the hand that reaches out to the poor, the orphans, the needy. I want to be WHO I am, and WHO I strive to be every day, whether I am married or not. Getting married will not complete me anymore than buying a 2015 electric blue Corvette Stingray will make me a better driver. I have to work hard to become who I desire to be, who God calls me to be. Then, if at some point, a man enters the picture, I hope to be who God calls him to search for in a wife.

My point in all this? I believe many of us were raised with a flawed mindset. I am hundreds of different things – I am a homeschooler, I am an artist, a singer, dancer, sister, daughter, friend, reader, writer, cook, dishwasher, an archer, movie watcher, and a hopelessly curious soul. I am made up of bad memories, reoccurring nightmares, countless bad decisions, and the source of many peoples' pain. I am all these things and so much more... because WHO we are cannot truly be defined. Who we are can never be wrapped up neatly into a list that can be handed to someone. And who we are definitely does not hinge on future aspirations. Who we are is defined every day by the decisions we make, the words we speak, the things we laugh at, and the way we approach life.

Not being married does not make you any less powerful in the hands of God. Not having children does not make your years of child-rearing training a waste. Because whether you're chasing a one-year-old that you brought into this world, or the one year old of the exhausted mother next door who just needed one hour to take a shower and do her hair before her husband comes home, you are being who you were made to be.

Don't squander this time of singleness. It's precious. Learn to drive your 1990s Toyota pickup, so that when the keys of that electric blue Corvette are handed to you, you're not afraid to drive it because you're confident that you've done everything you can to become the best driver possible.

What's For Dinner: Chicken Katsu Curry

I love eating Asian food, but I don't eat out enough to satisfy my cravings. So I decided to give one of my favorites a try: Japanese Curry. The hardest part was finding a recipe that actually looked like what I wanted to make (and had at least half-way normal sounding ingredients). 

 

Anyway, after hours of recipe searching, ingredient checking, and finally actual food making, here's what happened... 

 

Over all I am very pleased with how it turned out! I changed the recipes some, so I'll put the original sites at the end of the post so you can check those out if you want.   

First I had to make some Garam Masala, a traditional Asian spice blend, because that seems to be a staple in Japanese Curry. This recipe turned out to be amazing: 

Garam Masala

1TB ground cumin
1 1/2tsp ground coriander
1 1/2tsp cardamom
1 1/2tsp ground black pepper
1tsp ground cinnamon
1/2tsp ground cloves
1/2tsp ground nutmeg

Mix together and store in an airtight container.  

  

 

 

Curry Sauce

 

1/4c. bacon fat
2 large onions, coarsely chopped
Garlic (the recipe calls for 5 cloves but I totally forgot to add it, so I don't know if that's the right amount or not... it tasted fine without)
6 medium carrots, peeled and coarsely chopped
6TBS white flour
4TBS curry powder (3TBS might be enough for some, though)
7 1/2c. beef stock
1/3c. honey
1/4c. soy sauce
3 bay leaves
1TBS garam masala (aren't you glad you made some??)

Heat bacon fat in Dutch oven (or stock pot of your choice) and add onion and garlic (if using) and cook until softened. Stir in carrots and cook over medium/low heat for 10-12 minutes.

Add flour and curry powder; cook for 1 minute. Gradually stir in stock until combined; add honey and soy sauce. Bring to a boil and boil for 20 minutes, stirring occasionally. (Sauce should thicken to a light gravy consistency.) 

Strain out the onions and carrots and blend them in a food processor until smooth. Return to the pot with the rest of the sauce. Stir in garam masala and bay leaves. Boil for another 20 minutes or until thickened sufficiently (you can decide how thick you want it).

 

 

Chicken Katsu

12 thin chicken breasts (I used about 9 and cut the thick ones in half so they were thinner)
1/2-1c. of milk
1c. white flour
Salt
Pepper
Vegetable oil

 

Dunk chicken in milk and then coat with flour. Fry on both sides over medium heat until crispy on the outside and cooked through. 

 

Serve It

I sliced the chicken breast, laid it on a bed of brown rice, and poured a generous amount of sauce over the top. The family loved it! There was plenty of sauce left over, so if you wanted to make a bigger batch it would probably be good up to 15-17 chicken breasts.

Serves about 10 adults.     

 

 

Chicken Katsu Curry (original recipe)

Garam Masala (recipe)

Why Are Mothers Worth Less In Society's Eyes?

Some of you know me well enough to know that I don't plan to go to college, others may have guessed, and the rest are hearing this for the first time. I'm very open about that fact and am comfortable with my decision. However, a lot of people don't understand, they struggle to grasp the reasoning behind this – my – thought processes of being a stay-at-home mom.

 

Just the other day, a young man told me, "It's none of my business, but I think you're really intelligent and I think you're doing yourself a disservice by not pursuing higher education."

Is he right? I've thought about his comment a lot. Oftentimes, when we're taught something from a very young age, we unconsciously lose the ability to think about it (and related subjects) objectively. I see it a lot both in society and homeschool circles. Knowing this, in order to be as objective as possible, it's important to start from the very beginning, back so far you're not sure you've ever been there before.

First of all, what gives our lives worth (notice I refrain from placing the worth directly on the individual as in most society, human life is automatically assumed to be "worth" something)? Some of the most common answers would be, religion, family, money, career, public service, and scholastic achievements. The question is then, why do we believe that these things give our lives worth? I believe I can safely divide the list into two categories.

Self-Fulfilling                                                                   Self-Sacrificing

*Scholastic Achievements                                             *Religion

*Career                                                                              *Family

*Money (and/or Possessions)                                      *Public Service

       

I think, herein lies the secret. It seems that society takes up the list on the left while Christian/homeschool circles wholeheartedly embrace the one on the right. At the root, this is where we differ... where I differ from the aforementioned young man.

In his eyes, if one does not spend hours upon hours writing papers, listening to lectures, and eventually gaining a piece of paper that says they've done so, than their life is somehow worth less than someone who does. Gaining knowledge through a structured system from an (oftentimes) biased set of people is an appropriate and possibly the only way to improve and apply oneself in order to become successful. Because, without scholastic achievements, one cannot get a worthwhile career, which in turn prevents one from earning large amounts of money. And in today's society, money and happiness are often thought to go hand in hand... you cannot have one without the other.

On the flipside (see the list on the right), religious (specifically Christian/homeschool) groups believe that true worth comes from servanthood. In the form of religion, you must recognize your overall significance (or insignificance) in relation to the bigger picture due to a higher power. With family, one must oftentimes sacrifice self in order to maintain healthy relationships with those one is related to (which includes choosing them over personal needs or desires). Finally, some people even add public service to this, which comes as a way to reach out even further to those who may not be receiving adequate amounts of personal care and love. This public service is not in lieu of but in addition to the others, coming alongside religion and family.

For the sake of clarity and brevity, I will stop there, though there are many more points that could be added to both sides of the argument.

 These two trains of thought both have pros and cons, and I believe a healthy balance is important. I will readily clarify that I do not have a problem with higher education, nor do I believe that it is wrong to go to college and get a degree. I believe that within the Will of God we are given significant freedom to make decisions based on our situations, tendencies, and position in life. However, at the same time, I do not believe that higher education is the answer to all of the problems we face now as a nation, especially as it is taught at community colleges and universities. What is the answer, then?

Each person must decide for themselves what they decide to make of their lives. What is most important to them? For some, it may be defending the rights of homeschoolers in court (HSLDA), becoming and RN or MD to heal people physically, or perhaps joining the military in order to preserve the rights and freedoms we still have in this country.

The first two examples require many years of schooling and can easily accrue large amount of debt.  The third simply requires a highschool diploma but years of dedication and sacrifice. Are some life-decisions, namely concerning career paths, more earth shaking than others? I would venture to say, only in the eye of the beholder. Where would we be without doctors, to heal not only citizens but also our military members? Where would we be without military/law enforcement to keep us safe? And without lawyers, who would represent those hard-fought-for freedoms. Each one needs the other in order to be worth anything at all.

Now, I ask you. Who grows up to become lawyers, doctors, and soldiers? Children do... children are the very foundation of our country. As such, I find it very surprising that they are cast aside so frequently, left in daycare, enrolled in school, required to partake in sports, and left almost wholly without the loving guidance of their parents (the only people who truly care about the wellbeing of their child as an individual).   

This, in turn, adds stay-at-home mother and wife to the list of important career choices.  It is not any more or less important than other careers.  It is equal, because without children raised with good morals and strong work ethics, who will become lawyers, doctors, and soldiers?  And without those careers awaiting them, what are those children to set their sights on?

So, the statement, "It's none of my business, but I think you're really intelligent and I think you're doing yourself a disservice by not pursuing higher education," essentially contradicts itself. If I am believed to be an intelligent person, why do you automatically assume that I would purposefully make such an (obviously) stupid decision?

Each side can take steps to remedy this. If the asker truly wants his words to make a difference, the statement should be changed to, "I think you're a really intelligent person, but I don't quite understand a certain decision you've made. Would you mind explaining it to me?" However, if the question is not asked in such a way, that doesn't leave people like me without recourse. Perhaps we, as the rebel to the status quo, should reply, "Thank you so much for sharing your honest opinion with me, I truly appreciate your concern. I would love to explain the reasoning behind my decision if you are interested in listening." In doing so, perhaps the chasm between the two sides of society can be bridged, even just for a moment.

                                              

What do you think?  Do you agree, disagree, or have additional thoughts to add? 

Abroad (Continuation)

More pictures!  Almost home... but it's been an epic journey!

From NE, I traveled to KY for the nationals SkillsUSA competition.  :)  I love KY, I think I could live there.   

Louisville, KY (the locals said it's pronounced Luval...)

This competition was so insanely huge (approximately 6,000 competitors and 10,000 staff members)!  It was held in the Kentucky Expo Center and they used every square inch of indoor space... 1.3 million square feet.  There were competitions being held in everything from Aviation Service Technology to Esthetics and Cosmetics.  :) 

SkillsUSA, Automotive Technology.

SkillsUSA, Commercial Baking.

SkillsUSA, Team Fabrication

Skills USA National Competitors

SkillsUSA, Closing Ceremonies

Between the last two picture, I went to Kentucky Kingdom, but the camera stayed in the car... good thing, too, because the Raging Rapid River Rafting ride just about did me in, haha! 


One of the afternoons was free, so to the racetrack I went!  I bet on three horses, and every one of them came in either dead last or second to last... ha!  I think I need to work on my strategy a tad.

Churchill Downs!!! 



Such beauty!



Claim race on the turf track. 

Last race I watched, I stood down by the railing at the finish line.  Definitely worth venturing into the sweltering heat for a few great shots!

Largest Bass Pro Shop, Memphis, KY.  Pretty impressive! 

Nashville, TN.  I've always wanted to go there, but this is as close as I got today.  I'll go back and get the full effect someday... instead, I soothed myself with country music on the radio. 



That was my week in a nutshell!  What are some of your favorite things you've done while on vacation?   

Abroad!

Well, not actually abroad like out-of-the-country abroad, but more like just simply out-of-my-house abroad.  Here's what I've been up to the last couple weeks!

Wichita, I think... haha, I can't remember!

Looks like a deer or two decided to bed down in this ditch!

I got to visit my great uncle's grave for the first time since his passing last summer.
He served in WWII and was my birthday twin.  RIP Uncle Less.

This, my friends, is what a $500 jackpot bingo card looks like!

Going exploring.

I have a thing for old buildings, especially barns!

The Dinky Diner... it lives up to its name!

Visiting Amish friends.
Couldn't resist grabbing a shot of the hats and jackets lined up.

Lo, Strategic Air Command Museum!  

SR-71 Nose View.

Side View.

Under View.  This one really gives you size perspective.  

Spectators at the National Formula SAE Competition in Lincoln, Nebraska.

Visiting Homestead Monument National Park.

Just driving through Lincoln, Nebraska.   

Those are the highlights so far.  Do you have any fun memories of the last couple weeks?

**Please don't take my pictures.  If you want them, just ask! 

The First Day of the Rest of Your Life

Oftentimes at highschool and college graduations, and then again sometimes at weddings, you will hear the phrase "This is the first day of the rest of your life."  While this paints and interesting picture in the mind of those who hear it, I believe it points out the fact that we've lost sight of the real lives we live on a daily basis.

I've recently noticed the rush to grow up, the rush to graduate highschool, the rush to graduate college, the rush to get married, the rush to have kids, the rush to have a 25th wedding anniversary, the rush to have daughter/son in laws, the rush to have grand kids, the rush to have great grand kids... and then what?  By the time you get there, your entire life is gone.  It's been spent constantly racing toward the next big thing.

As a homeschool graduate and a staunch Christ follower, I have be raised to be a stay-at-home wife and mother.  From the very beginning, I learned thing to do things now that will improve my future life.  I learned to cook so I can one day cook for my family, I learned to sew so I can make clothes for my kids, I took Advanced Mathematics so that I can teach my own children up through highschool (and beyond, if needed), I even run the house and "babysit" my siblings for weeks on end to afford me practice for what my future may hold.

I highly recommend traveling...

However, I would venture to say this mindset of preparing for a currently-nonexistent future, has severely damaged my outlook on life.

My eighteenth birthday came and went, but there isn't a reasonable marriage prospect in sight.  (In reality, it takes the guys longer to "get ready" for marriage than it does the women, but that doesn't change the fact that my life is currently prospect-less.)  Pretty much, I've just been waiting... waiting for my knight in shining armor, waiting for my life to start, waiting for a chance to use all these skills I've learned.  But should I be waiting?  And more importantly, should I be rushing toward my future?

... and cliff jumping!

In reality, today is the future of your yesterday.  And tomorrow is the future of today.  Future doesn't have to mean five, twenty, or fifty years.  But how many of us wake up in the morning and think, "Yes!  This is my future.  This is what I've been striving for my whole life!"?  You may if you've suddenly woken up to the sun rising over your college graduation or your wedding day.  However, how many of us do that on a daily basis?

To all the single girls out there, you are precious for who you are and what you do on a daily basis - not because of the wife and mother you will one day be, not because in a year you will be a published author, not because you have graduated with honors and plan to achieve great success in your homeschooling... you are an integral part of God's plan right now.  You are the key piece to your neighborhood, school, choir, and family.  You don't need a man to make you worthy of life, you don't need a family to make you important in God's grand plan, you don't need children in order to be a success in your Christian community.

This is your life.  Here.  Now.  Today.  Not tomorrow, not next week, not next year.  This is [hopefully] the only time in your life you will be single.  Do you embrace your singleness as fully as you should?  This is the only time in your life when you can earn anything and everything you want without fear of failing your overwhelming familial duties at home.  Are you taking this opportunity to experience life?  This is the only time in your life when you can serve God with your abundant time.  Do you clear your schedule to make way for His work?  And most of all, are you living life fully, without a doubt experiencing, living, loving, and learning everything you possibly can?  You will never ever get this day back, you will never ever get this phase of your life back.  Don't waste it waiting for your future.  You are living your future right now. 

I strive to embrace my life, one day, one hour, one minute, one second at a time.  I encourage you to do the same, because if you don't... it will pass before you know it.